He Speaks

I'm unsure of where to begin this post because it feels as if I need to back track to a previous day in order to encompass everything I feel like the Spirit is teaching me. I have had a very intense and intimate two weeks or so with the Lord. My conversation with Him has been the closest to "constant" as I think it's ever been, making it difficult to find a "beginning reference point" whenever the conversation has been so fluid and interweaving, with one's day's focus piggy-backing on the day before, but not without a new focus of its own. It's been an amazing web of delight. 

But for now, I think I want to begin with Friday, March 28th. We'll see how that goes. I expect we'll probably jump back even further in time in the process of explaining the chain of events, or the way the Spirit moves during our time together.

For optimal understanding, I need to inform you of  how my typical day with the Lord evolves. It begins with a Dollar Tree notebook that I use for journaling my conversation/prayer. I also keep a calendar from Worth Beyond Rubies pinned to the top of my FB page with daily Scripture and I'm currently using 4 different devotions: Unveiling Mercy, by Chad Bird, Jesus Calling by Sarah Young, Practicing the Presence of Jesus by Joni Eareckson Tada, and finally finishing with the monthly Our Daily Bread pamphlet I receive in the mail. I work through all of these resources often beginning in a different order, never starting with the same one consistently, though I do normally always finish with ODB, as my last devotion for the day. Also of note, we're studying the book of Revelation in Sunday School. This week we're on Chapter 16.

So, back to Friday. The verse given for that day on my calendar was 1 John 5:20, "And we know that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding, so that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true--in His Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life." And now it's already time to backtrack to even earlier in the previous week. I'm afraid I'm going to inundate you with information, but I'm unsure how to provide less detail whenever it is ALL so relevant to the way the Spirit speaks to me. 

To preface all of this, I think it's good that I begin by confessing that I have a deep bitterness in regard to the medical field, due to two decades of chronic illness and a lack of proper care. In fact, Scripture encapsulates perfectly my plight in Mark 5:26 where it speaks of the woman with the bleeding condition and says, "[she] had suffered much under many physicians, and had spent all that she had, and was no better but rather grew worse." 

Tuesday, March 25th, through my prayer journaling and Bible time, the Spirit convicted me about my bitterness. The first FB post I saw that morning while lying in bed came from a private group I'm in, hosted by an author I discovered whenever I first received my diagnosis of gastroparesis and intestinal dysmotility and bought her Bible Study, Desperate for Hope. In her group she shared a post citing Genesis 41:52, “God has made me fruitful in the land of my affliction.” adding, "If you are in the desert now, don’t give up. God is using your suffering in ways that you cannot see but will one day understand." Vaneetha Risner, writes in such an inspiring way, dealing with the often real difficulties of the Christian walk, while still giving God all the glory He deserves. This take-away from her will be a constant theme during the entire day's time with the Lord. It will show up everywhere I look.

After Jared left for work, I began my prayer journaling at 9 a.m., picking up on the previous day's communication and the meditation at the bottom of Joni's entry for that day that read, "Break free from your quite-time routine--find fresh ways to adore Jesus today." I remarked that I wasn't sure I accomplished that other than the fact that I bought a new book of 100 bedtime mediations that use the first 100 psalms and I had read the first one (Psalm 1) the night before. I reveled in the way it had brought to mind something the Spirit had revealed to me about Ezekiel 47:1-12, two days prior on March 23rd. With the obvious theme being water/rivers I wrote in my journal,

 "I look forward to a day/time whenever I'm so steeped in Your word that it all just floods over me in significant truths." 

From there at 11:20 a.m., I apparently did a quick FB check where I encountered a post by one of my favorite accounts to for follow for Biblical truths, Ian Simkins. His post shared insight into Col 3:16 and again I wrote in my journal, 

"His [Ian's] post reflected what I felt Your Spirit say to me about Ezekiel 47--about You flowing into but also flowing through or out of us. We don't want to hoard your blessings and we also don't 'want to become stagnant and unfruitful -- You give, we receive, we give and its an ever growing chain reaction causing the waters of Your river to grow ever deeper."

This revelation is one of the reasons I've taken the time to write this post. What good is it to keep what the Spirit says to me during our time together, all to myself? Shouldn't I share it? Let it flow downstream to benefit others the way He is benefitting me? Its testimony of how God isn't a distant passive God. He's active, very real, and speaks, if we listen in sincerity. Maybe this will be a means of fruitfulness in the "land of my affliction" Like Isaiah 43:19 will this be the river God creates in my desert?

It was 11:30 a.m. whenever I moved on to my Jesus Calling devotion. Notice the Scripture reference of Colossians 3:16. Coincidence. 

Through this devotion the Spirit prompted me to interpret 1 Thess 5:18  in two different ways, both of which I believe to be true. 1) It is His will that I be grateful, always. 2) I should be grateful, no matter the circumstance because that circumstance is His will for my life through His sovereignty. I understood the Spirit's conviction and reasoned alongside Him, agreeing completely that I should no longer have a grumbling and complaining spirit towards my medial care. After working through this devotion and doing a brief word study on the word "admonish" I wrote in my prayer journal, 

"Lord, through your Spirit, please always keep me humbly responsive to any and all instruction I may receive. Not only from You but also if I'm wrong and someone else wishes to see me back on the right path." (Remember this prayer for future reference whenever you read what transpires the following day!)

With the lesson of gratitude, even in the midst of difficulty, firmly in focus, I turned to Google to see if I could find an Old Testament reference for gratitude and ended up on a Word Press blog that referenced the same Scripture Vaneetha had referenced earlier, Genesis 41:50-47 and connected it to Luke 17:11-19. Whenever I turned in my Bible to that portion of Scripture in Luke, I had written a note "He had already been healed of the physical...but it seems that he's being healed of something more, something deeper....emotionally? mentally? spiritually? Did Jesus go a step further and heal him of those burdens too?" His gratitude brought more healing. Beside that sticky note I also had a list of verses under the heading: "Gratitude leads to riches that money can't buy" & "Gratitude is RICHES. Complaint is POVERTY" 

• Psalm 9:1
• Psalm 103:2-5
• Psalm 118:24
• Isaiah 12:4-5
• 1 Chronicles 16:8
• 1 Samuel 12:24

Apparently, these verses were the answer to my Google inquiry. Isn't God great?

From there I ended up reading a very profound Jewish article that the Spirit has kept in the forefront of my mind. Specifically, her citing Deuteronomy 11:26 "See I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse" and the admonition for us to choose to see God's divinity in everything. The good (blessing) and the bad (curse). It very much reminded me Job 2:10, “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” as well as his statement in chapter one, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.” In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong." The blessing they recite upon receiving bad news is, "Who is the True Judge" [This mindset stuck with me when I read and studied Rev 16 later in the week. And is also why I think its so important to be in the Word. This is one of the great ways He speaks to us. It's living and active....(Heb 4:12)]

Then my next entry was at 2pm, five hours conversing, meditating, studying, reading and it was all still flowing. He was still present, active, instructing, affirming. With this same lesson asking at the end: "What good things are you gaining through affliction?"

Even my last devotion of the day spoke the lesson His Spirit was teaching me this day and was sowing seed for the lesson I would need next. Even the Scripture referenced (Romans 8:1-6, 7, 9-11) contained verse 5 that I had referenced in the note section of the Jesus Calling entry. [Scroll up]

I wrote in my journal:

"...our flesh naturally -- humanly-- wants to complain and grumble whenever things don't go according to our plans. But we are no longer subject to our human-ness, we worship You and in order to do that acceptably (Heb 12:28) we must worship you in Spirit (John 4:24). Holy Spirit, please continue to grow me, discipline me, speak to me, convict me."

While mediating on all of this the Spirit spoke back through Scripture by bringing the words of Psalm 32:8 to mind, "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you" ESV.  The NIV says "loving eye" so I went to BibleHub to do a quick word study and from here I'll just post a picture of the last two pages of my journal for this day so you can see first hand the way my communication goes during my journaling time. 

As you can see it was a FULL and LENGTHY day spent with the Lord. I left my desk on cloud 9, elated by all that had been revealed and received. 

And then, before the night was through, about an hour or so before bedtime, something came up and I became aggravated about my healthcare and a certain medication I was being put on that could exacerbate an already prevalent issue. At bedtime the Spirit reminded me of our lengthy conversation. I repented. But I wasn't very peaceful about it. I was discouraged. How could I have messed up so soon after His speaking to me? Despite my repentance, my sleep was awful and I came to my study desk early. I was there at 4:50 a.m.

The Lord is so kind and gracious. He didn't shun me after my mistake. He continued to meet with me. I began my prayer journaling confessing my self-disgust in my failure and thanking Him for his conviction. And then, not only did I repent I asked for His help, writing, 

"Father help me release these [bitter] feelings to You. Exchange these emotions for more peace, trust, forgiveness and grace. And thank you for the assurance I have in your love and forgiveness because of Christ. Search me always and see if there is any offensive way in me. Help me acknowledge it, address it, and come to You for Your power in my weakness." 

Then at 5:45 a.m. I finished the Unveiling Mercy devotion for the 26th. It closed with Psalm 25:5 "Lead me in Your truth and teach me, for You are the God of my salvation; for You I wait (#oneword2025) all the day long." This prompted me to read the entire Psalm and prayed in agreement many of the verses throughout, writing,

 "You instruct sinners (me!) (vs 8) Pardon my guilt for it is great (vs 11). Well just all of it, Lord. Forgive me, instruct me, save me, guard me!"

 Then I moved on to my Jesus Calling and you can see once again, "coincidence" as once more the use of the word #wait begins the entire devotion.

You can see where I was led to focus on "it is good to wait quietly" because of the Spirits conviction again about my grumbling and complaining spirit. Sarah Young referenced one of my favorite verses here, Psalm 16:11, its my favorite because the last half describes so well what I feel whenever I'm here at my desk and the conversation is flowing for hours between me and the Lord. Like the day before, when we communed for up to six hours, and the time flew by. Its absolute joy! When I think of this verse, the first half never comes to mind. Until this moment. I wrote: 

"[the first half] is my prayer to You today. You are my life! Lead me closer and closer to You. Keep me grounded, centered, calibrated, focused on You!!! All of my health and medical frustration just boils down to a lack of faith and worry. I want to dwell on/with/in You NOT on my fears, circumstances or frustrations. Amen"

And then I left the house to help a friend run errands. What happened next, I just can't keep to myself.  My friend had a stroke a few years ago, and can no longer drive. Due to this stroke, he occasionally has sensory issues, absent seizures, and panic attacks. I've been his occasional chauffeur for well over a year now and have never experienced one of these episodes, but he has mentioned them to me so I will know how to respond if it happens whenever he is with me. Basically telling me to get him some air, by opening a window and just remaining calm and being quiet. 

Well during our running around the conversation turned to poor sleep. His was due to hyper fixation, mine was because I had gotten worked up and had an unsettled spirit of discouragement in my failure to apply what I had been taught. As I began to relay everything that had started it all (complaining about the common side effect of my new medication) he abruptly told me to be quiet! Then followed up by telling me he needed to focus.  I was then able to recognized this as the beginnings of a panic attack. I shut up, felt my face get red-hot with embarrassment, then felt the Holy Spirit tell me it was from Him. Then a feeling of calm and relief came over me and I had to grin. Where can I go from His Spirit? My grin was also combined with more discouragement in my inability to succeed whenever the Lord has been so gracious at point blank communication with me over this issue. 

But this situation gave me an opportunity to speak to my friend about how God is working in my life, even using him to speak to me. 

He felt bad about having to ask me to be quiet, so this also let him know it was marvelous to me that he did because it was used by God. 

He received this well, even calling it wonderful. I agree.

Back at home and at 2 p.m. I was led to look into cross references of Proverbs 10:19 "In the multitude of words there is no lack of disobedience, but he who restrains his lips does wisely." and I ended up at James 3:2 "We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to control his whole body." I then wrote: 

"Lord, how I long to be perfect. I need to study this verse more in-depth. As I turn to my ESV Bible I see Job 1:22 marked beside Proverbs 10:19; backing all the way up to Job 1:20 I see the humility and awe I need to have. Today's ODB referenced the potter and the clay in Jeremiah 18. Please keep molding me Lord. Don't give up on me! As I study this verse closer, I see its not the initial "comfort" I thought, for You Yourself exhort us to be perfect just as you are perfect. And self-control is indeed a gift of Your Spirit, or fruit. So this "perfection" or maturity, rather, is achievable through You and Your power. Prod/goad (teach/instruct) me. I want to yield to Your influence. Verse 8 tells me its not in my own power to do. You say, "nothing is impossible with You!" Be born in me, Lord! Ephesians 3:20-21 on the heels of Paul writing about Your GREAT love for us "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power at work within us, (21) to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout al generations forever and ever! Amen" I am fully persuaded that You are able to do what you have promised (Romans 4:21) "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."(1 Thess 5:23) Through Your word, I am greatly encouraged. Thank you! Amen."

*Even in writing this post, at this very moment, in regard to 1 Thess 5:23,  His Spirit is continuing to speak to me about what He began early this morning. There is an undeniable grouping of verses from this section of Scripture being laid before me.*

At 3 p.m. I was still in James where verse 9 brought me back to the pastor's sermon topic on Sunday as well as the Unveiling Mercy devotion for that same day, that God made man in his own image.

*Which ties into what the Spirit is speaking of today. - I'll have to make a separate post about this later* 

James 3:9 convicted me about the bitter anger I have towards so many doctors and medical professionals. They too are made in God's image. Reading further into verse 11 I'm reminded again that its the overflow of the heart that the mouth speaks, and I write, 

"Please fill my heart with You! The end of verse 12 takes me back to Ezekiel 47 - flow into me - bring all that is dead inside of me, all that leads to death, bring it into submission to Your living water (John 7:38)!! "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." - Mark 11:24 Thank you, for the transformative work You're doing in my life! Phil 1:6 You will bring me to maturity!!!

One more day's events to unfold before I get to where I began. Thursday morning, the 27th,  I was up early again.. This time it was due to my stomach bothering me more than my spirit. I needed to help my digestive system move so I got on my treadmill. Walking on that thing has become mentally torturous. Walking in general has. In preparing for the upcoming Season 5 premier of The Chosen, I decided to put Season 4 on to refresh my memory of the season's events, while I walked. I wrote in my journal, 

"As I'm watching 'The Chosen' this morning, while walking on my treadmill - even here Your Spirit speaks, nudges, reminding me (John 14:26) John's last words as he was being beheaded (in the show) were "Thank you!" Reminding me of our lesson. Lately, You're telling me: to believe, choose joy, stop grumbling, and to be thankful in the season of waiting. Believe Your words, all Your promises are "Yes! in Christ!" Choose joy - for You, in Christ, came to make my joy full! Stop grumbling. Grumbling is complaint and rebellion against Your will. Dwell on You and all I have through Christ NOT on my circumstances - "There is nothing better for a person than that they should eat (You are the bread of life!) (John 6:35) (Man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God) (Deuteronomy 8:3)(You are the Word)(John 1) and drink (You are the living water) (John 4:10-14)(John 7:37-39) and find enjoyment (#choosejoy) in their toil (make his soul see good)!! (Ecc 2:24) "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer < - This is a calling from You! (Rom 12:12) (Isaiah 62:6-7) And to be thankful even for the hard, because You are sovereign and are in control - so my hard is something You are at work in (Rom 8:28). So - believe (Luke 1:45), pray (Mk 11:24), choose joy (Rom 12:12) (Ecc 2:24)(Ecc 5:20), stop grumbling (Ex 15:24, Phil 2:14-15) and be thankful (Job 1:20-22, 2:10) (1 Thess 5:18). Also, while watching season 4, episode 2 - as Yussif is getting dressed he is reciting what sounds like something from Ecc - yes Ecc 1:14 "I have seen everything that is done under the sun, and behold all is vanity and a striving after the wind" as soon as I heard this, I had to stop and come here with You because You reminded me of Psalm 127:1-2!! "Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city the watchman stays awake in vain. It is vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil (instead of the bread of life!); for He gives to His beloved sleep (Matt 11:28-30)(John 10:27)" You also brought to mind the passage in Isaiah 26:18 "we were pregnant, we writhed, but we have given birth to the wind" and reminded me just now of Your words in John 6:63 "It is the Spirit who gives life; the flesh is no help at all. The words that I have spoken to you are spirit and life" Yes, Jesus, speak life into me and into my family. I know this morning's lesson is this: I can do nothing apart from You and Your Spirit (John 15:5) all of my striving is vanity - in vain!!! Your will be done - may Your timing be my timing! Thank you SO much for letting me "hear" Your voice! Thank you for these incredible moments! Just to recap: Pray, believe(!), choose joy, STOP grumbling, be thankful, even for the hard, and know I can't succeed at ANY of these things without the power of Your Spirit. You will accomplish Your purpose on Your schedule!

5:52 a.m. 

"In preparing to show what You've taught me here this morning I ended up at Heb 4:12 because Your word is how you speak to me in harmony through Your Spirit's promptings. And You have me more "nuggets" of wisdom regarding my effort. Some may find it frustrating the way verses 9 and 10  are telling us to rest from our works in regard to salvation or "entering rest" just to have verse 11 say "strive to enter that rest" VOCABULARY!!! Strong's G4704 also translates this Greek word as "be eager" or "zealous". As Brother Aaron preached on Sunday, this is "heart knowledge" - striving = "head knowledge" Lord I am eager! Excited! I believe, help my unbelief! (Mark 9:24) I know You will do it!"

The next day was Friday the 28th, where I began this post. The entirety of this post has been an effort to explain to you why 1 John 5:20 called to me the way it ends up doing and a glimpse into how the Spirit speaks to me through Scripture, "coincidence" or congruent theme, perhaps is a better way to phrase it, since I don't believe it is pure coincidence. As well as, speaking to me intuitively, usually using Scripture and congruent themes to affirm that I'm on the right track. 

To anyone who reads this, I hope the Spirit uses it to speak truth to your soul. God is still speaking. Ask Him to speak to you and then believe that He will. If you struggle to believe this, ask Him to help you to believe and then prepare to be blessed. 

And if that someone happens to be me... I hope you're refreshed by the way the Spirit has seen you, knows you, convicts you, molds you, wounds you in order to heal you, loves you, has redeemed you and is sanctifying you, spirit, soul AND body. (1 Thess 5:23)